Brushin' With Desitin

Yep, it's the stuff you've seen on sitcoms that no real-life human being would ever do, so I should be a TV star!
I was in a hurry, okay? I saw a white tube in the medicine cabinet, and I squeezed it on my toothbrush. Right color, right consistency, right container. It was only when I started scrubbing the white stuff over my choppers that I had a rude, very rude, awakening.
I was brushing my teeth with diaper rash ointment.
The toothbrush had a hasty burial in my garbage can. I got a quick drink of water and spit in the sink, but guess what? Diaper rash ointment is WATERPROOF! So I got some mouthwash and swished it around, but guess what? Diaper rash ointment is MOUTHWASH PROOF! I dug out a new toothbrush and swizzled some real toothpaste on my sticky ivories, and that helped some, but my tongue still had diaper rash ointment residue in the creases.
But toothpaste is magic, do you know why? It took greasy makeup out of my clothes when no other cleaning product would! It was the plain white toothpaste, too, the diaper rash ointment look-alike.
You may be wondering why I even have diaper rash ointment when none of my children are in diapers (that I know of!)
Scroll down only if you really want to know...
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It's because it works wonders on hemorrhoids!